It isn't as though there are not people I respect but it has been a long time since I've met, known of or heard of someone I have any interest being like or emulating in any way. I think part of it is that I'm rather atypical in who I am and part of it is that I had a very strong roll model in the SCA when I was 19-21 and then he very much fell from grace, and not just mine but ruined his marriage and all but destroyed his life. I was never taught how to be a leader and accept the burden of possibly being looked up to so while in some ways I should be in the position of being looked up to these days I never learned or was taught the lessons that would enable me to do that especially since my natural wish is to be below the radar.
The thing about women is that sometimes I think yall are being difficult for the purpose of being difficult and other times yall are difficult because yall are different then men are. Part of me just wants to be honest which would likely blow up in my face, part of me says to just give up and part of me says ok we'll try this on my terms and see how long until I decide it is a loss. Its freaking hard enough to strike up a conversation when someone is intently working on a project but its impossible to know if your conversation is going decently if they remain intently on the project and not on the conversation.
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The thing about women is that sometimes I think yall are being difficult for the purpose of being difficult and other times yall are difficult because yall are different then men are. Part of me just wants to be honest which would likely blow up in my face, part of me says to just give up and part of me says ok we'll try this on my terms and see how long until I decide it is a loss. Its freaking hard enough to strike up a conversation when someone is intently working on a project but its impossible to know if your conversation is going decently if they remain intently on the project and not on the conversation.