On Relationships

[chargirlgenius]

I remember realizing when my friends weren't perfect.

Scratch that. I've always known that, I know that nobody is perfect.

But, I do remember the day I realized that my friends weren't perfect, and that it was ok. It was more than ok. It meant that I didn't have to be perfect either.

When you first meet a new friend or lover, they seem like the perfect person. Maybe they have potential to be a match made in heaven, somebody amazing to look up to and to mentor you, or what have you. The longer you get to know them, the more cracks appear in the facade. It never fails. The better and deeper you know somebody, the more you get to know their flaws.

I've never loved anybody who didn't drive me batty on occasion. (Read: yes, you all drive me batty sometimes)

And honestly, I'm certain that nobody who has ever loved me hasn't been driven batty on a regular basis. (Read: yes, I know I drive YOU all batty sometimes)

But, that's ok. We're not perfect. Our friends aren't perfect. They drive us nuts, we drive them nuts, we all have personality quirks that grate a bit.

But, what makes them friends is that they still love you anyway (and vice versa). Not even always despite your flaws, but flaws and all.

Comments

[frualeydis.livejournal.com]

So right. I have some pretty weird and sometimes annoying friends (it's the hobby, we find them more easily than others) but I still love them - and when other people comment about them I say that I love them not despite, but because of their shortcomings, because if they didn't have those shortcomigns they wouldn't be them.

/Eva

[chargirlgenius.livejournal.com]

And people without shortcomings are much more annoying. ;-)

[mare-in-flames.livejournal.com]

So true. And it really is okay. *hugs*

[chargirlgenius.livejournal.com]

You'd think I'd have figured it out before I was 23, but I remember the "Oh...".

[chargirlgenius.livejournal.com]

BTW - thanks for the hugs, but this isn't any new sort of disappointment. Something reminded me of an old friend I hadn't seen in years.

[mare-in-flames.livejournal.com]

They're more solidarity/happy-you-know-this hugs than disappointment-remediation hugs. :) It's just... YEAH. This is how it is, and it's really okay.

[grieve-not.livejournal.com]

Not me. I'm the apotheosis of perfection!




:-D

[chargirlgenius.livejournal.com]

Perfect people are so annoying... ;-p

[thornbury.livejournal.com]

Am I supposed to confirm that I love you now?

Because I won't. ;-)

[chargirlgenius.livejournal.com]

That's what drives me batty about you... ;-)

Actually, I've just been thinking a lot lately about somebody I knew many years ago. Don't know why, but it sparked the post.

[quodscripsi.livejournal.com]

The one I've been trying to figure out is what one does when one no longer has anyone to look up to.

That and being vexed by the fact that women are difficult and I often think on purpose.

[chargirlgenius.livejournal.com]

Meet more people?

It's truly an amazing person that you can still look up to when you know all of their warts and problems.

As for women, well, I can't help ya there. I just have to be difficult. ;-)

[quodscripsi.livejournal.com]

It isn't as though there are not people I respect but it has been a long time since I've met, known of or heard of someone I have any interest being like or emulating in any way. I think part of it is that I'm rather atypical in who I am and part of it is that I had a very strong roll model in the SCA when I was 19-21 and then he very much fell from grace, and not just mine but ruined his marriage and all but destroyed his life. I was never taught how to be a leader and accept the burden of possibly being looked up to so while in some ways I should be in the position of being looked up to these days I never learned or was taught the lessons that would enable me to do that especially since my natural wish is to be below the radar.

The thing about women is that sometimes I think yall are being difficult for the purpose of being difficult and other times yall are difficult because yall are different then men are. Part of me just wants to be honest which would likely blow up in my face, part of me says to just give up and part of me says ok we'll try this on my terms and see how long until I decide it is a loss. Its freaking hard enough to strike up a conversation when someone is intently working on a project but its impossible to know if your conversation is going decently if they remain intently on the project and not on the conversation.